Befriending the Girl in the Mirror

I was walking by a beautiful reflective building made out of glass and I caught a glimpse of my reflection. In that reflection I was wearing black skinny jeans, a black and white hound print coat and my bright orange convers. I even complemented the glimpse I saw of myself before I realized I wasn’t wearing orange anything; I had black ballerina flats on instead. Shortly after leaving my apartment that morning I had regretted my shoe choice and would have preferred my old chucks, they would have been the perfect “pop of color” and much more practical for walking around. However the fact of the matter is I wasn’t wearing those shoes. My mind had subconsciously edited what I was actually wearing. This got me thinking about all the times I had obsessed over my appearance while a close friend or my mother assured me it was all in my head. And don’t get me wrong I’m aware that eating disorders are about distorted images we believe as truth. But something about seeing it so bluntly really put things into perspective for me. I mean if I could convince myself that I was wearing a pair of shoes then maybe it was all in my head all along. This allowed me to believe that I am beautiful and it gave me hope that one day I would allow myself to actually see ME! It was freeing. I’m not by any means done struggling. It’s something I have to constantly work on; befriending the girl in the mirror. However I believe that with experiences like these and support of my family and friends I will someday.

 Leave your comments let me know what you think.

-Angela

An Expecting Blogger

I started this blog my senior year of high school because I was in a creative writing class that required me to write every single day until the end of the semester. I created this blog so I could post the entries I thought weren’t so bad or about topics I really cared about. Now two years later I am sitting on my own kitchen chair in my very own apartment, staring at the cracked screen of my incredibly old lap top wondering what has called me back to the world of internet blogging. Maybe it’s because in the two years that have gone by so much has changed and I find myself trying to hold on. Trying to hold on to some of my old dreams and desires and prove that someday I will accomplish all the things I used to talk about romantically. I am not complaining about my new life, it’s just about everything I wanted minus the super cool, thrifty, vintage furniture I thought would magically appear in my apartment. (Making an apartment look cool is a lot of work and even more money!)

In September of 2011 I married a man I had met in November of 2010 and we found out I was expecting on January of 2012. As you can see we were busy. None of this really shocks me. I've always lived life in fast forward and I honestly couldn’t be happier and more excited for the new family I have to love and care for. However as I prepare myself for the adventures of motherhood I fear for the possible loss of my identity. Therefore why not start writing again, about whatever it is I seem to love. Who knows maybe one day if blogspot is still around my own children will be able to read my thoughts and get to know me better as a person? So I am embark on this adventure of motherhood very soon and if you are an expecting mom or already a mother that may feel the same way I do please feel free to share your stories.

-An expecting mother trying to remain herself