Shaving the Hair on my Head

March of last year I had a friend from high school and a talented hair stylist shave the side of my hair off. If you know me personally you would know that I had never really done anything crazy with my hair before thing. It's not that I never wanted to. In high school I would have killed to dye my hair lime green or so black its blue but my parents wouldn't even hear of it. So I started creating an alter ego of myself. She had all the cool hair styles I wanted, tattooed sleeves, piercings, she was even thinner and much taller than myself. She existed only in my mind and there she lived for a long time. It was a version of me that was cooler, fearless and lived without consequences.

However march of last year I had sort of reached my mental limit, life wasn't even close to okay and I was tried of following the social norms, still seeking the approval of my parents, and doing what was expected of me. I decided to change my hair because it was the easiest, most drastic, and less life altering thing I could do. Sure I could have gotten a tattoo on my chest that said "Fuck Off" but I thought maybe one day I would regret it. Instead I decided to shave the hair that everyone loved so much. My friend and hair stylist was very skeptical of cutting it for me because she knew I had never done anything like this before, but she did. What I'm not sure she knows is that not only did she cut my hair but she also helped free me from the box my parents had put me in so long ago and that I had allowed myself to stay in.

Now when people see me they sometimes have to do a double take. I am shocked by all the compliments people give me regarding my hair. Even though the compliments are really nice that is not why I did it. I did it because I was 22 years old and I didn't even closely resemble the girl I had created in my mind. Worst of all no one else was stopping me but myself. That was the scariest thing of all. I was getting into fitness and I thought "why not start a complete transformation?" Why not start making myself happy? So now I am. The older I get the less I think Britney Spears was crazy for shaving her head. She was unhappy and wanted people to take her seriously so she did the easiest thing she could do, she took away the image people had of her. She shaved off her long beautiful blond hair so that there was nothing left for her to hide behind or for people to be distracted by. When you saw Britney you couldn't help but see the truth. I wanted that. I wanted people to look at me and finally see me. Of course my parents really hate my hair and that hurt a lot in the begin. Not everyone will except the person you are. However it makes your appreciate the people who do so much more. Like my son and husband who both look at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. 

I am proud of my hair, because slowly I am becoming proud of myself. I am glad that I am allowing people to see the real me, with all my flaws. That I am testing relationships and growing stronger bonds. My hair style has caused some interesting conversations and I know that years from now I might laugh at myself and think of how silly it was but I also know that I will own it because it wasn't just a fashion statement it was the first step in discovering what I really wanted. That first step is never an easy one. Whats yours?

-Ang